Chasing Cars
by DapperDestruction
Summary: Set after season 6. Destiel. Castiel disappeared almost a year ago, and Dean has been alone in a crowd ever since, not knowing where his angel is.


The sky was a beautiful blue. It was strange, that something so simple stood out to Dean so much. For so many years he'd lived at night, or been too busy to enjoy himself anywhere but in the bedroom with some girl from a bar. During the day he was focused on hunting, or fighting, or saving someone's ass. He couldn't remember the last time he just laid down and wasted time.

And this was the most ridiculous place. Sam was back at the house with Bobby, scouring the books for a lead. After 6 straight hours of dead ends, Dean had gotten fed up and walked out of the house, muttering that he was going for a walk as he headed out the door. He walked for maybe 20 minutes around Bobby's massive property before he found an open field he'd never been to before and walked through it. The weeds were almost hip high in some spots, but dipped to below his knees in the spot that he decided to sit down. Eventually he fell back and folded his arms behind his head, watching the clouds float by.

It had been years since the Apocalypse, years since Sam had gotten his soul back and the civil war in Heaven was even over. Eve was dead and most of the super freaks she'd created had been hunted down and eliminated. Things were normal again.

Normal.

They were back to small game, hunting vampires and werewolves and exorcising vengeful spirits that haunted people. Hell, things were as close to normal as they were ever going to get. But still…

Dean was lost. Ever since his dad had gone missing, hell, even before that, Dean had always had a goal to work towards. Yeah, they got sidetracked with individual cases, but there was always a big picture. They had to hunt down Azazel (even if they hadn't exactly known what he was at the time), then there was Lilith, then the Apocalypse, killing that Eve bitch, then helping Cass out with his damn war in Heaven.

Cass.

He'd beaten out Raphael over year ago and that was the last time they'd seen hide nor hair of the damn angel. At first, they hadn't called him. What the hell were they supposed to do? Castiel hadn't exactly been a cute, feathery little cherub the last time they'd seen him. He'd gone nuclear and declared himself the new God. Dean had even feared that Cass was going to bring down New Heaven's mighty wrath on their asses just for the fun of it, but nothing ever happened.

That was what bothered Dean the most-that he didn't know what the hell was going on with Cass. So, after a few months, his curiosity had gotten the best of him and he'd prayed.

Cass never answered.

He'd prayed for Castiel every day for almost 5 months. He would stand there and beg and plead, waiting to hear that familiar rustle of feathers right behind him that announced the angel's invasion on his personal space. But he never came. One day, after praying for an hour straight, Dean got angry. He yelled up at the sky and cursed Castiel's name for turning on them and abandoning him. What the hell was he supposed to do without his angel?

And when, precisely, had Castiel become his angel?

That's what Dean was thinking about as he laid in the field. Castiel had given up everything for Dean, betrayed Heaven and abandoned everything he'd ever known. He hadn't done it because it was right or because God had commanded him. He even said it-"I did it all for you, Dean." Castiel had been the one who had gripped him tight and raised him from perdition then put his broken soul back together when he couldn't take it any more. Castiel-no _Cass_-was his friend. He was Dean's favourite to tease, since Sam usually just called him a jerk and ignored it. And, dammit, Dean missed him! He _needed_ him.

Dean squeezed his eyes shut when the clouds began to blur and he realized he was crying. He dug the heels of his hands into his eyes and inhaled deeply.

"Dammit, Cass," he whispered to himself as he thought about the angel that he hadn't realized had come to mean so much to him. They hadn't needed anything else. All Dean needed in life was his family and that added up to Sam, Bobby, and Cass. With the three of them, Dean could do anything. Mom was dead, Dad was dead. But Cass was just plain gone. It was different-worse, even, then when Sam had run off. At least he'd known that Sam was still alive and happy then.

He missed that damn trench coat and the angel's apparent inability to interact with any normal human beings. He even missed Cass invading his personal space. He missed Castiel's presence, the comfort he brought with him, like 'It's okay, Cass is here. We'll all be fine'.

Hell, he could practically hear his wings rustling like they always did when he zapped in.

"Dean."

Every muscle in Dean's body tensed. He must have fallen asleep. There was no way in hell that this was really happening. Slowly, Dean opened his eyes. He looked down at the ground, at the short shadow his torso cast against the weeds, then at another, standing beside him. For a moment, he thought he could see the shadow of a huge pair of wings, but as soon as he focused on them, they disappeared.

Slowly, with controlled calmness, he stood, still facing away from the figure behind him. Then he whipped around, the expression on his face inscrutable. Castiel stood silently and statuesque, arms hanging loosely at his sides and as blank-faced as always. He looked horrible, like he'd been put through the ringer. His skin was pale and he looked like he was covered in sweat, which was weird. He had dark circles under his eyes and his clothing looked about ten times as wrinkled and askew than it usually did.

The wind blew, kicking up dust and making the weeds bow down. Castiel's coat billowed behind him during the strange silence that passed between them.

Then, after what seemed like an eternity, even to a being that had truly lived and eternity, Dean broke the silence. His face twisted into anger and he took three quick steps forward. "You dick!" he yelled, shoving the angel.

Castiel could have easily made himself like a brick wall and merely stood there, but he took a step back with the force of Dean's shove, half from surprise. His eyebrows shot up and he tilted his head, confused.

"Dean, I do not-"

He was cut off by a punch across the jaw. Of course, this did not turn out much better than any of the other times Dean had attempted to punch an angel.

"Dammit!" he hissed as he doubled over, clutching his injured hand against his chest, "Stupid angel…"

Castiel was confused by Dean's actions. He would have thought that Dean would be happy to see him, after so long without any contact. Perhaps he was angry? The had not last parted under the best of circumstances. He didn't know what to do, so he simply stood and waited for the other to do something else.

Dean stayed doubled over for a long time, growing silent and still. When Castiel grew impatient, he took a half step forward and reached his hand out towards Dean. "Dean?"

Dean's movement was very sudden. Castiel could have reacted and moved away, or stopped him, but he didn't. Dean stood straight up and took a step forward, crushing their bodies together and wrapped his arms tightly around the angel's shoulders. Castiel stood stiff and still for a few moments until Dean pressed his face against his neck and squeezed him a little harder. When that happened, Castiel brought his arms up and gently placed them on Dean's back.

They stayed like that for a long time before Dean's grip lessened and he eventually stepped back. Neither mentioned the redness in his eyes.

"Cass…." Dean muttered, looking down at his feet. Castiel waited silently for Dean to continue. "Don't you ever leave like that again, you hear me? Go, do the angel thing. Run Heaven, or whatever you're doing, but don't you dare disappear for near a year without letting me see you. I don't care what you did, or how you're yourself again, or why you look like shit, but don't you ever, ever leave me again. Understand?" he asked, his voice tight.

Castiel nodded slowly, eyes closing for a moment before he opened them again. He looked weary. "I will not," he assured.

Dean nodded his head once and sniffed, swiping his nose with his sleeve as he tried to regain a little bit of his dignity. After all, he had no freaking idea what had come over him and made this into a Lifetime movie. "Why did you choose now to pop in, anyway?" he asked.

"Because you needed me. You are still my charge," he said, then paused, "and my friend. I care for you very much, Dean."

Dean bit his tongue. He considered yelling at him, demanding to know why, if he cared so much, he hadn't been here before. "I know," he said quietly and looked down at his boots again.

Silence reigned for a long moment. He wasn't sure what to do or say, now that he had Cass back. He'd thought about it for such a long time, wishing that Cass would come to him so he could… what? What was it that he wanted to do with Castiel?

Castiel stood, perfectly comfortable in the silence with Dean. Now that the other had come down from his emotional roller coaster, he was starting to think things through a little bit more.

"What the hell happened to you? You were… crazy, like full on dirty-agent-overthrowing-dark-side-evil-sithe-lord crazy, after you vaporized Raphael. You were nuclear, man. How are you… you again?"

Castiel sighed. He actually sighed. It was weird. "I… got rid of them. I put them back. It was a…. trying process. I could feel them all inside of me, all those souls. The longer I kept them, the louder the voices got. They pulled at my will and I knew that I couldn't handle it. You were right, it was foolish and dangerous and no one other than God should have that kind of power. I think He helped me, but I'm not sure. He still isn't answering any of my prayers. But, when I was… purging myself I could feel Him helping me."

Dean frowned when he saw Castiel's expression when he talked about "purging" himself. "How did you do it? Get rid of them, I mean?" he asked, unsure if he wanted to hear the answer.

"With that many souls residing within a single host all edges and distinctions between individuality begin to blur. Everything becomes one big teeming mass of being. It is a difficult state to describe, even to another angel who can comprehend the concept of existing as pure energy. To put it into terms within the capacity of the English language I… ripped them apart, one by one, and threw them back to purgatory. The sensation crossed the physical boundaries of pain. It wounded me in a way that is not visible, but I am still alive. I do not believe I would be if it were not for God's assistance," Castiel explained.

Dean swallowed thickly. That sounded…. unimaginable. And he'd literally been to Hell-that was saying something coming from him. "Cass…" he said, his voice watery.

Castiel looked at him silently, blinking slowly. He nodded once. "I will survive, Dean. Things are… back to normal. I'm me again. I promise," he said.

That seemed to be exactly what Dean needed to hear, because his chin quivered slightly, the tears finally welling up and spilling over to run down his cheeks, and he pressed against Castiel again. But this time, instead of hugging him, he pressed his lips to the angel's.

Castiel was surprised for a moment, eyes flying open at the sudden kiss, but then he relaxed fully for the first time in a millennia and kissed Dean back.

"Dean Winchester," he whispered when them broke apart. Dean's eyes were closed tightly and his lips were pulled tight. Castiel did not like the worry and sadness he saw there. "I have watched over you since before you were born. When I made contact with you, you were different than any other human I have ever encountered and you intrigued me. Over time, I found myself caring for you, experiencing confusing sensations that I later realized were emotions. You have taught me how to truly live and what it is that makes humans so special, how you are different than angels. And, Dean Winchester, I love you. More than anything, and I think that God is alright with that."

"Good," was all that Dean whispered in reply, the words a low rumble in his throat as he kissed his angel again. "I love you, too. Don't ever run off on me like that again."

"I am yours, Dean, forever. Everything I have done, everything I am doing, is all for you. Always."

A/N: Sooooo, I hope you guys like that! For all my other Supernatural readers, I'll have a chapter of Idioms up soon =] Please review, if you have any thoughts! Also, this is called Chasing Cars because it was inspired by the song Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol. I recommend you listen to it and think Destiel. lol. It'll blow your mind. Whoa.


End file.
